Aversion- A strong dislike or disinclination. Synonyms: repugnance, distaste, dislike, antipathy, disgust

A couple years ago my family went gluten free. At first, I ate so many eggs that I actually developed and aversion to them and my body would automatically purge them if ever I attempted to eat them. I eventually got past it and can now eat them without vomiting, although now, I try and limit how often I eat them.

But somehow over this past year, I have developed and aversion to CHURCH.

I have been going to church all of my life. I was actually raised R.L.D.S. (no, not a mormon) and then converted to Methodism in my twenties. (and that, my friends, is a whole other blog).

At that time, I had such a renewed joy and passion for my God and who He really was and felt such a love for my church and we went all the time. We got involved with some classes and volunteering and vacation bible school and I made my kids go to youth group. We even made new friends, which, let me tell you, is pretty significant.

But a little over a year ago I started getting really tired of seeing all these people every Sunday looking so bright and shiny with their nice clothes and big smiles. Everyone just seemed so happy and wonderful like they were trying to convince the world their lives were perfect. And I wondered to myself, "what is the point of all this?"

And sometimes I would just look around during a service, and the worship leaders would have their eyes closed and hands in the air and the whole scene would all just seem so FAKE. So contrived and rehearsed and obligatory and it made me feel uncomfortable.

And it really, really started to bother me. And we started going less and less. And every time I would go to church I felt surrounded by a complete and utter facade. And I started to wonder why we gathered here, everyone looking so clean and polished and cheery.

Side note: By the way, moms, it's really no secret that your entire family has been screaming at each other all morning as you rush around trying to get ready and on time for the 10:10 service.

I continued to wonder why we gathered here. And why we all smiled at each other and sat in our pews and sang songs and listened to our pastor explain that being a Christian is about Charity and Service. But here we all were looking beautiful, acting perfect and knowing when we left here today we were just going to go home and enjoy some sort of Sunday feast and watch football or take a nap.

And so, we stopped going.

I feel like church has become a social standard. An expectation to being considered a Christian. And it has become a meaningless ritual. And I have managed to develop this extreme aversion to being at church. (It's quite possibly an aversion to organized religion as a whole, but I haven't quite figured that part out yet.)

And I don't really know how to fix it.

I'm not even sure if I want to.

And I wonder...

Will it correct itself in time like the eggs?

Did I just need a break from it all?

Is going to church a necessary part of the Christian life equation?

And is the only definition of church going to a building on Sunday morning for an hour or two in a cute dress while I listen to the words of wisdom from my pastor, and tell myself I should probably be nicer to people this week and try not to yell at my kids so much?

I feel as if I am at an extremely significant precipice. I need to decide what my relationship with God and humanity looks like. And I don't know whether it should be the cookie cutter version of Christianity or not.

Or maybe I have just lost my damn mind...

Jamie Lee Curtis Probably Does Eat Activia

I believe that there is at least a small chance Jamie Lee Curtis eats Activia. I mean, it's yogurt and for the most part yogurt is yogurt. Unless I am just completely ignorant to the upscale yogurt industry and there is some sort of anti-aging, Louis Vuitton, diamond dust infused yogurt that only millionaires can afford. But, I can somewhat get behind the thought of Jamie Lee Curtis eating a container of Activia on occasion.

However, every single time I see some celebrity endorsing CoverGirl or Loreal or Garnier hair color in a box I want to scream. There is NO WAY in HELL these rich bitches use this shit. I don't even use this shit. Beyonce so does not color her hair from a box! Who is being fooled by this?! Managing her hair probably costs her, in a year, more than I paid for my house. And if you believe she only spends $9.99 every six weeks to get it looking the way it does, and that you can look like that too, then you're just an idiot.

Do you really think Jessica Alba or Carrie Underwood or Kim Kardashian use Loreal or Oil of Olay on a daily basis? Or, ever, in their lives? I can answer that...No, no they don't. So, it's just such BS to me. And I realize that false advertising is absolutely everywhere and we can't really believe any of it, but for some reason this seriously gets me. Stop using these women to promote a product they DON'T EVEN USE. For that matter, stop endorsing a product you DON'T EVEN USE. It's disgusting. Sorry, Katy Perry, there is no way in the name of Baby Jesus you use Proactiv...I mean they aren't even telling a tiny half truth with these women.

This probably shouldn't bother me so much. I may have some sort of underlying anger issue that I have yet to identify, and it really doesn't matter anyway since between the lighting, editing and photoshopping they could put dog crap on their face, make it look gorgeous, market it and make millions.

50 Shades of Grey has Forever Ruined the Metaphor I Wish to Use in This Blog

I haven't blogged in quite a while. And btw, is it a while, or awhile? I'll just google it. Anyways, I'm thinking I'll start up again. I have so much time on my hands, you know. (sarcasm font, when will you be created?)

My problem is that I have opinions on everything and could easily come up with something to say on a daily basis, however I find myself worried about offending people. Ok, so maybe that is like 5% of the problem. What I really find troubling is the prospect of re-reading this blog in a year or two and wishing time travel was real so I could go back and bitch slap myself for thinking such things and then putting them on the internets. (yes, I meant to say internets, for some reason it makes me lol)

Recently I went through my facebook timeline all the way back to when I first activated my account (2007). I was absolutely horrified by some of my status updates and "notes" with titles like "35 random things about myself".  Btw, 25 of the 35 are either no longer true or just completely absurd for an adult to lay claim to.

And all of my insane sounding political posts in 2008!? Holy Crap I was annoying. (apologies to all who are aware of what exactly I am talking about) Those were the days when I sat on the farthest right of the republican fence. I cannot tell you how different I see things now. 

It makes me wonder how different things will seem in another 5 or 10 or even 20 years. I believe this evolution of thought may be referred to as "wisdom". And for a girl who is deathly afraid of some things age can bring, wisdom is a gift I wholeheartedly look forward to.

Random and  somewhat off topic side note: 50 Shades of Grey has not only ruined the metaphor about things not being so black and white (you know the one), but it also STOLE about 8 to 10 precious hours of my life. That book is just turrible. (yes, I know I said turrible, thank you Charles Barkley) I really don't know what the deal is with everyone and this series. Maybe I'll blog tomorrow about why I want to punch EL James in the throat.