I became pregnant with my oldest, Austin, when I was only 17 and a senior in high school. I had to "hide" it for quite a while, which obviously exacerbated the shame. I don't remember thinking my life was over...I just remember feeling like a horrible person. I really don't think I have ever talked very much about it all. So, I guess I will today.
My parents we amazing...they never got mad at me or said terrible things in their frustration, they just loved me. They supported me, and made it possible for me to still live my life after Austin was born. I have no idea how girls in this situation manage without a family like mine.
At the time, I was in a reltationship that slowly stripped away any self esteem or self worth that I had, leaving me jaded and guarded and bitter. I would like to say it made me stronger, and maybe in a way it did, but mostly I think it robbed me of a lot of happiness for a long time.
At this moment, I realize, I let this happen to me so I can only blame myself.
I was so immature and self absorbed...I was really not a good mom. To this day its hard for me to remember very much about Austins first year of life...and it gives me crazy anxiety to think that he is already 11 and before I know it will be in college, or married, or having babies himself. (knock on wood, the babies won't come for another 20 years). There are a lot of things I missed out on and I held onto a lot of resentment, until I realized something...
There is this little thing called the Grace of God. And He felt so much love for me that not only did He send His son to die for me...which is enough times 1 billion...but he saved me a second time when he sent me Austin.
As a 29 year old I look back and know that there is not ONE thing I would change about getting pregnant with Austin. Austin is so smart and amazing and that little baby boy led me down the path my life intended to go. So I hope Teen Mom is on the air forever because it always reminds me that I was a teen mom too.
Wonderful story, Brooke! Brought tears to my eyes. You are an amazing mother & women. God has a lot in store for you. I can't express how thankful I am that we've met & become fast friends. I love you! ♥Rachel
ReplyDeleteVery touching recount of your early years. You've always had the family's love as well, and you always will.
ReplyDeletethe most outstanding memory I have about your pregnancy with Bear is the delivery of him..After he was born watching the life drain out of you as you almost bled to death. Not sure I can ever thank the Lord enough for keeping you safe and creating such a wonderful mom as your self.
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